Windows XP Airlines. You can’t open the hangar doors even tho you informed the security manager that you are not a terrorist. After a wile you open the doors manually and fire the security. When the plane takes of you suddenly realize that you are the only normal passenger, the rest are terrorist. In panic you try to change the airlines but it is to late. Midair the bad guys detonate their bombs (with help of the pilot) They are very well informed so the plane crashes onto your home and kills all your family. Somehow you survive. You try to regain your normal life so you sign to Anonymous Windows Passengers. There are many peoples like you so you fill secure. One day you ask one of your fellow AWP what hi thinks about not flying Windows anymore. Hi thinks you have offended his beloved mother and kills you with a knife. Witch is not bad at all for you because the airlines just sued you for being a terrorist.

Ubuntu Airlines. In the after life you finally decide to try one of the free airlines. The stewardesses are of a very rare beauty and they are very nice for you. They provide every service for free but due to your latest experiences you don’t know how to use them. You are so confused that you even think that the plane is flying some acrobatics. After a while as you adapt everything seems go back to normal. And you start to think that Ubuntu is one of the best airlines available.

Windows Vista Air
People tell you very good things about it, it looks slick, sexy and is marketed professionally. You are unaware that there even *is* an alternative, and the sales reps never mention one. You look at the price, and are unsure but the confusing bullshit technobabble of one of the sales reps convinces you. You buy it, but when you get back to your plane to install the pilot you find out that you are required to sign his contract with the blood of your fist born son. When it asks you if you are sure, you have second thoughts. Deciding to give it a try as you’ve spent your money and no refunds are available, you agree to the contract and let the pilot on board.

He immediately locks down all areas of your plane, and pretends not to notice the luggage container on one side of the plane who’s free space does not conform with Microsoft’s standard NTFS luggage system.
You are taken aback and annoyed at the same time. You make the effort to work with what you have, and try it out. Unfortunately when you are deciding where to go, you notice that the plane’s range and speed are mysteriously and severely reduced and you would not make it to the next airport without crash landing, despite what your pilot tells you.

After getting nowhere, Microsoft contacts you to tell you that it’s released a new Pilot, but you have to pay for him again, effectively making your original investment worthless and a waste of time and money that could have been avoided by waiting for the newer pilot to come out.

You look out the window and see a very fast looking plane taking off without any problems, and not spontaneously combusting. You get on your barely functioning radio and ask the pilot who he is. He replies “Linux”.

Deciding you’ve had enough, you quietly tear up the contract and unplug the pilot’s headset. He tried to ask you if you are sure but you ignore him and kick him out the door, although it’s hard to do. The pilot finally leaves, screaming FUD at the top of his voice about how you will never be able to fly again.

Ubuntu Air

You walk back into the airport tired and frustrated and out of pocket, but at least with an idea about what to try next. You search high and low and ask around, and finally you find a small stall in a corner marked “Ubuntu”.
You talk to the woman behind the counter who explains to you in a friendly way exactly what Linux is, and that Ubuntu is a popular and easy to use variant of it. Right now, you say, I want something that just works. The woman smiles and hands you a cd. You reach into your wallet but she says it’s on her.

You walk back to your plane wondering what could be in store for it and you, when you are met by your new pilot. He is smartly dressed, respectful and doesn’t speak to you unless you want to speak to him. He is waiting outside for you to ask him to fly your plane, and doesn’t seem to mind if you don’t want him to today.

You invite him in, and put your cd in the cockpit player.

Suddenly, you are airborne with everything working quickly, efficiently and as expected. Your pilot is competent and knows where to go.
You look around and realise that your seat isn’t exactly how you’d like it, so you ask your pilot. He tells you who to speak to about it, and you post a message on the Ubuntu Forums. Very quickly there is a professional and friendly response, explaining that the button to adjust the seat is on the left side, not the right.

You realise that expecting everything to be in the same place as your old pilot put it is irrational and a bit silly. You have to make a few more small adjustments like this but you know that it’s worth it.

When you get to your destination, and quicker than you expected, your pilot disembarks with you and thanks you for allowing him to pilot your plane. He waits outside until you invite him to fly again.

As you walk to the terminal, you pass other planes which have obviously barely ever left the ground, and smile to yourself as you think back on your experiences with Vista Air.

You should add some criticism for Linux, though. You could say that when you enter the airport, there’s dozens of different brands of planes for you to chose, but you have no idea whatsoever what the advantages of each of them are. In the end, you end up going for Ubuntu747, because it has the most airplanes and everyone else is headed there.

Once in the airplane, you have 3 or 4 different kinds of seats, menues and bathrooms. Unsure of which to use, you end up laying across all four types of seats at the same time, you take turns to use every kind of bathroom and try every menu.

You get to the airport and realize that unlike the other linux airlines, this plane is pre-built and has all the drivers ready. After you get on the plane and boot your Ubuntu laptop you realized that you have installed some Middle Eastern Language instead of English. This isn’t too bad since there is a Middle Eastern man sitting next to you with an overly large beard. He installs the English language pack for you and then whispers that he is going to bomb all the Windows machines in the plane, but explains to you that you will be okay since you are using Ubuntu and that he is part of an African organization. You think this is okay, since you think he means canonical. You then realize that you have forgotten your root password to your luggage compartment and as the Middle Eastern man again for help. He explains that he is a bomb specialist and sticks some explosive in the key hole of the door. When it pops loudly and he opens it everyone stares in horror. But then, in desperation, he pulls out a banana and hold it up to the crowd saying “wants some? It free!” Then later you see another plane spiraling out of control. The plane turns blue and you realize that it is a Windows plane. The plane is covered in malware and sickness. It dissapears in a white and blue haze over the horizon. But you are okay, since the plain is running the latest Linux kernel. The Middle Eastern man next to you starts crying because of the plain wreckage and decides not to bomb the Windows users. Then, later, after the plane has landed as expected, you meet the pilot who is a Penguin. The Penguin tries to say thank you for stopping the terrorist, but you don’t understand his language so you say “HI!” back and walk away.

You then remember you left your GCC library at home and can’t do anything unless you download it from some odd hotel, which you do, and then go diving in the ocean. Everything goes well on the way home since you take the Debian Linux airlines, since the security personal their is more experienced.

I am a Linux lover, but I had to make it funny