Fun: Chuck Norris vs. Linus Torvalds

[digg-me] I’m sure everybody remembers facts on Chuck Norris, and here are Linus Torvalds facts!

Look at the picture, do you see any differences, don’t you? 🙂 😉 🙂

Chuck Norris vs. Linus Torvalds

Linus Torvalds once found a segmentation fault in the universe.

Linus Torvalds can run kill -9 and kill Chuck Norris.

Linus Torvalds doesn’t die, he simply returns zero.

Linus Torvalds first written program had artificial intelligence.

Linus can divide by zero.

Linus Torvalds runs Linux on his wristwatch and toster.

Linus Torvalds doesn’t receive error messages.

There is no theory of probability, just a list of events that Linus Torvalds allows to occur.

Linus Torvalds does not sleep. He hacks.

Linus surfs the web using nothing but netcat.

Linus Torvalds can play 3D games in his head by interpreting the source code in real-time.

Linus made the red pill.

Linus Torvalds didn’t learn from the University of Helsinki, the University of Helsinki learned from Linus Torvalds.

Linus Torvalds once developed a programming language so good that it makes python look like punch cards.

Linus Torvalds doesn’t need to boot.

Linus is real, unless declared Integer.

Linus doesn’t push the flush toilet button. He simply says “make clean”.

Linus Torvalds has no dependencies.

Linus Torvalds takes one look at your desktop and knows which porn sites you visited. In the last ten years.

Linus Torvalds sleeps with nunchucks.

Linus can enrich himself simply by chowning your bank account. He does not do this because there is no challenge in it.

There are no man pages for Linus Torvalds, only god pages.

Linus Torvalds can do an infinite loop in five seconds… in his head.

Linus Torvalds doesn’t wear glasses anymore not because he had laser eye surgery, but because he finally got his xorg.conf properly configured in his head.

Linus Torvalds can use a nice level lower than -20.

Linus Torvalds doesn’t need to mount his drives.

Linus Torvalds doesn’t debug. His programs are always perfect.

Linus Torvalds can install Linux on a dead badger.

Linus Torvalds doesn’t need backups. He just uploads his files and lets the world mirror them.

Linus Torvalds is taking over the world. Microsoft is just a diversion so that no one would suspect a mild mannered Finnish programmer.

Linus Torvalds already has Linux 3.0. He is just keeping it to himself to build suspense.

Linus Torvalds didn’t design Linux to run on the 386. Intel designed the 386 to run Linux.

People pray to Jesus, but Jesus prays to Linus Torvalds.

Linus need not worry about Microsoft patent crap, he simply do `sudo mv /tmp/ms /dev/null`.

Linus Torvalds is more powerful than root.

If you could read Linus Torvald’s mind, you’d find that his stream of conciousness is entirely in binary.

Linus scared A and B away, so they had to make C.

Linus only has 2 buttons on his keyboard ‘1’ and ‘0’

Linus’s kernel never panics.

Linus does not use the GCC, he _writes_ binaries.

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Stefan Durand

My name is Stefan, I'm the admin of LinuxScrew. I am a full-time Linux/Unix sysadmin, a hobby Python programmer, and a part-time blogger. I post useful guides, tips, and tutorials on common Linux and Programming issues. Feel free to reach out in the comment section.

22 thoughts on “Fun: Chuck Norris vs. Linus Torvalds”

  1. Terrible. While I am a Linux enthusiast, Norris > Torvalds.

    Linus Torvalds once found a segmentation fault in the universe.
    Chuck Norris told the universe to fix itself, and it did.

    Linus can divide by zero.
    Chuck Norris’ beard alone can divide by zero.

    Linus Torvalds doesn’t receive error messages.
    Chuck Norris doesn’t need error messages.

    Linus surfs the web using nothing but netcat.
    Chuck Norris has the entire web stored in his brain.

    Linus doesn’t push the flush toilet button. He simply says “make clean”.
    Chuck Norris glances at the toilet quickly, it is so scared it needs to flush.

    Linus Torvalds has no dependencies.
    The universe depends on Chuck Norris

    Linus Torvalds sleeps with nunchucks.
    Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep.

    Linus does not use the GCC, he _writes_ binaries.
    Chuck Norris scares the binary in to writing itself.

    The rest were just too lame to write comebacks to, I laughed not a single time while writing this.

  2. > mv /tmp/ms /dev/null

    for what to replace valueable system file /dev/null with some stupid file from this miserable company??

    why not to simly

    cat /dev/null > /tmp/ms

    ??

  3. "Linus scared A and B away, so they had to make C."

    I don't if this is intended in the joke but the maker of C is Dennis Ritchie, not Linus.

  4. Really awesome!

    2 from me:

    Linus Torvalds doesn’t just have “rwx” permissions for his files, he has all permissions from “a to z”.

    Linus Torvalds can type “roundhouse kick to the face” faster than Chuck Norris can deliver one.

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